Present tense 2

forget the past
let go of the sense of deja vu
dump what happened last
for, as we speak, time is passing through

don't wallow in memories
stop searching for long lost clues
don't get caught up in a whirl of sorries
for, as we speak, life is passing through

no point talking about yesterday
why let the excess baggage accrue
tomorrow is a brand new day
for, as we speak, today is passing through

so what if the shit hit the ceiling
enjoy the freshness of the morning dew
don't let what's happened leave you reeling
for soon the future will be upon you.

Present tense

this is line 1
this is line 2
this is line 3
this is line 4
this is line 5
this is line 6
this is line 7
this is line 8
this is line 9
well, what do you think
of this avant garde poem of mine?

The nutty professor

The smutty orator
The guy the neighborhood knows
As the notty professor
Wanna see him slobber?
Just wiggle your butt
Then run for cover
Before he asks you to lick his nuts

Aaargh! He’s disgusting
Always talking about poking
Everything is a come on
Walks around with a permanent hard-on
Nothing is too dirty
Dammit! The bugger is sixty
What he needs is a Bobbitt
The guy makes me vomit
His obsession is smut
All he does is bark, come lick my nuts

When he’s not teaching
He’s looking up skirts
He’s never teaching
He’s always got his eyes in a girl’s shirt
I hope he never dies, just suffers
Talk to him over tea
Everything ends up sounding dirty
Shake his hand, he’ll stick his boner
He’ll pretend to be moody
Just so you get closer to his woody
With an unholy talent
To quickly unzip it
At the drop of a consonant
Yes, the old boy is witty
He could shame the Kamasutra
He must be on Viagra
How da heck do I no all dis brudda??

So, I sucked the notty professor
I sucked him till he cried
He’s just a bunch of nuts
A dick head stuck in a rut
Gave him a BJ
Made his day
Told him da problem with talking dirty
You end up having to wait till sixty
Then I fucked the notty professor
Put an end to Mistah lick my nuts
Told him it was all karmic
Job done, grrrrls!
I’m the new Bobbitt!
No more notty professor
No more class of smut
There lies the old bugger
With nothing to replace his nuts
Heck, it was all karmic
You go grrrls!
Now, let’s all on him vomit

Bang, bang, you’re dead!

Blown out of our minds
Let’s prance around naked
Be my nature’s child
You were born to be mounted
Fuck me in paper and kind
Sometimes with panties
Nothing more fancy
Put your pussy on the line
Open wide, let it my cock divide
Soak its throbbing head
Deep within you, inside inside
You suck, we fuck, I suck, we screw
Down to the last drop of thy beetlejuice

Make your legs my noose
Purr for me my horny muse
Between high tits my dick will snuggle
Violate you digit by digit with my bare knuckles
Strip you down to your beaver hair
Parted lips, shaved fair…oh my fucking, wow!
Enough talk, time to sink the laden dhow

Creak, creak, creak, creak
Bang, bang, our knees feel weak
Creak, creak, creak, creak
Bang, bang, prepare for the next peak
Creak, creak, creak, creak
Bang, bang, it’s your turn to be meek
Creak, creak, creak, creak
Bang, bang, your deep throat still hasn’t been fed
Creak, creak, creak, creak
Bang, bang, baby you give the best head
Creak, creak, creak, creak
Bang, bang, Honey, we really need a new bed
Creak, creak, creak, creak
Bang, bang, Honey, did you hear what I just said?
(Gunshots) Bang, bang, fuck!
Oops, looks like I just shot the bitch dead!

Mr. India

Where’s your accent?
This is not supposed to be the way you look
You don’t seem Indian
Nothing like the one in my book
Your women are educated
Your clubs are a blast
Your music kicks ass
Your films are just as crass
You fuck with our minds
You want our jobs
Just try not to fuck with our women
They prefer white knobs

You do not ride an elephant
You speak English
You do not look like a trinket seller
Where is the rope?
Where is the turban?
Where is the snake?
What happened to the monkey?
Where’s my stereotype?
Hey Indian, you gotta live up to the hype

Mr. India Mr. India
Where are you my Mr. Exotic India?
I smell no attar
I see no chai tea
When are you going to light up a bidi?

Mr. India Mr. India
Where are you my Mr. Exotic India?
Please say Namaste
Is your name Gandhi?
Why does your name not mean curry?

Not about 911

Write about September 11th
Yet another ditty about 911
Bring out the drum synth
Call on the great one
Milk the moment
Crank out an emotion
It’s ok to lip sync
Flog beyond redemption
Try and make it pithy
Be careful not to be too witty
Throw in some pity
More easy money for the kitty
Say you’re at loss for words
You don’t know how to react
That it curdles your innards
Osama is a pedophiliac
Hunt him down
Hound them out
The response has to be full blown
Take the whole religion out
Two wrongs make a right
We have the might
We must fight
Why bark when you can bite
We never cared a dime
It never happened to us
There’s always a first time
Is there a way to look for a plus?
A time to understand
Link with an ampersand
The rest of the world & Islam
So we know it’s not just about some Emam

It’s pretty obvious
To those who care and feel
Nothing contentious
This is just a song for a meal

To sing about 911
Is just as absurd
As putting a jolly tune
To this bunch of words

Silence 2.

where's my breakfast?
where's my bag?
where's my underwear?
hurry up with the food
bend over, i want to fuck
get ready, we're going out
it's time you quit your job
wake up stupid
jump, higher
press my legs
clean the fridge
go to sleep
give me a blowjob
and that's the only time she ever opened her mouth.

Silence.

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Confessions of a lost soul

i am strong
like ambuja cement
i stand tall
like the Petronas
i am unshakeable
like a hummer
i am smiling
like a toothpaste model
i am perfect
like fair and lovely
i am the coolest one
like the iPod
i am the providor
like in a perfect marriage
i am definitely male
like the bajaj pulsar
i am untouchable
like the d-company
i am the emperor
like the emperor with no clothes

Am i ok?

i'd like to say yes
i don't want to say no
i would be lying if i said yes
and pathetic if i said no
so i won't say anything
'cept, thanks for asking.

i'd like to smile
i don't want to frown
it'd be disingenuous if i smiled
and pointless if i frowned
so i won't do anything
'cept, thank you for asking

i'd like to be up
don't want to be down
but i don't want to fall
and can't seem to climb
so i won't hope for anything
'cept wish you weren't just asking

i'd like to say yes
i don't want to say no
i would be lying if i said yes
and pathetic if i said no
so i won't say anything
'cept, gosh i can be depressing.

damn it!

damn!
the human race.

damn!
me.

damn!
all the women who've fucked with me.

damn!
the voices inside my head.

damn!
the inner voice.

damn!
my vivid memory.

damn!
memory.

damn!
the idea of us as social animals.

damn!
this life.

damn!
the next life.

damn!
life.

damn!
the truth.

damn!
there is no way out.

damn!
the beginning of it all.

damn!
there is no end.

damn!
the end.

Maia

Till death do us part.
i swear to speak the truth and nothing but the truth.
i love you.
no, your butt looks great.
i expose only when the scene justifies it.
life is beautiful.
forgive and forget.
love conquers all.
set her free and she'll come back to you.
but i love you!
not tonight darling, i have a headache.
God is great.
advertising.
inside my head.
it doesn't matter how you look.
and that's the truth
i believe you.
happily ever after
but i love you!!
the fairy tale continues...

the crow

the lines don't seem to come
the mind's an unholy mess

the crowd inside my head
only seems to grow
while i struggle in vain
waiting for the words to flow

perhaps i need some coffee
something to jumpstart the process

turn on a light bulb
that will make the idea glow
and i continue to struggle in vain
waiting for the words to flow

why is it so hard to think?
why is it so hard to share?

why does it seem so much easier
to leave it for the morrow?
damn! how i struggle in vain
waiting for the words to flow

staring at a blank page
grappling with drivel

unable to express anything
without sounding,oh so, shallow
ah, now i see why
it's all thanks to a noisy crow
cawing away
tirelessly
endlessly
noisily
enthusiastically
persistently
patiently
impatiently
jumpily
flightily
efficiently
on my living room window.

La-z-boy

Don’t go for broke
Take time out for smokes
A couple of long tokes
Maybe even a quick poke
I need no toy
TV is just a ploy
Everything else a decoy
Now go get me my la-z-boy

To speed is silly
I think I’ll take a while
If there’s a short-cut to Italy
Why go the extra mile?
Don’t make me hurry
I’ll do it later
I never scurry
I always take the elevator

You change the channel
You get the door
Let’s watch this drivel
Who cares if it’s a bore
Why choose to do
When you can just get by
Nothing’s all I want to do
Doing something is so dry

Don’t make me move
This is the way to be
I think I’ve found my groove
Life is nice and easy
It’s not that hard
I’m having a blast
I’m the lump of lard
I never go too fast

Take numbers one to nine
Get ahead of me in every line
It’s too much work to whine
Don’t worry a whit about me
Time is not money
Things are never too slow for me
I always wanna be free
So just let me be

Don’t go for broke
Take time out for smokes
A couple of long tokes
Maybe even a quick poke
I need no toy
TV is just a ploy
Everything else a decoy
Go get me my la-z-boy
Everything else a decoy
Where the fuck is my la-z-boy?

The ho-ho-ho train

Jingle bell, jingle bell
Prepare for marketing hell
Tis' the season of selling
Dat time of da year again
When Fadder Christmas is coming
So get on da ho-train
Feel the consumerist woody
Better be goody-goody
Little kids, hear here
Dere's much to fear
‘Cause Good old Papa Claus is here

Be very staid, and afraid
Eat all your vegetables
Improve your grades
Learn your math tables
Never leave your bed unmade
Stay away from being moody
Realize, life is one big trade
Better be goody-goody
Little kids, hear here
Dere's much to fear
‘Cause Good old Papa Claus is here

You want a red bicycle
An irridiscent yo-yo
A year's supply of popsicles
Your holidays in slo-mo
More RAM for your computer
A motor scooter
Weekends of no study
Better be goody-goody
Little kids, hear here
Dere's much to fear
‘Cause Good old Papa Claus is here

Didn't get what you want?
Maybe it was out of stock
Don't like the colour?
Santa's such a load of crock
Never asked for this big soup bowl?
Throw it all the way back to the North Pole
Papa Claus is a nobody
Dere's no point in being all goody-goody
It's just mommy and daddy dear
And da Christian way of instilling fear

buy me!

You need a girl friend
You need a friend
You are pathetic
You are lonely
You need me

So buy me!
Buy me buy me anytime
Buy me now
Buy me later
Buy me till stocks last
Buy me!
Buy me, buy me anytime!

You need a nose job
You want to be blonde
You want bigger eyes
You just want!
You don’t want to be PC
You’re not easy
You got the sneer
Nothing makes you queeeesy!
Believe me baby, you neeeed meeee!

So buy me!
Buy me buy me anytime
Buy me now
Buy me later
Buy me till stocks last
Buy me!
Buy me, buy me anytime!

I can make you thin
I can give you muscle
I can be your brains
Baby, I’m what makes this look good!
Here today, gone tomorrow
Make that the day after tomorrow
Opportunity doesn’t knock twice
You need a copywriter to make you look nice

Buy me!
Buy me buy me anytime
Buy me now
Buy me later
Buy me till stocks last
Buy me!
Buy me, buy me anytime!

The lines are open. For your copy of buy me, call 1-800-buyme. Satisfaction Guaranteed! Buy me before I go to seed.

Funky Junkie

Funky junkie
Funky donkey
Funky fu Manchu
Funky flamenco, Funky for u

Worldwide funk
Funky black people
Funky Fred from France
Funky loose mystic, Funky miss nipple

Do the funky chicken
Funky Miss Loader
Funky broad
Closet funky, Funky disrober

Ready to get funky
Funky Malaguena
Can’t get enough funky
Funky dirty, See how funky men are

Funky low lives
Funky ass bass
Kings of Funky
Mo kinky less funky, funky kix ass

Funky blues
Funky broadway
Funky butt love
Funky disco mix, funky booty, Ok

Funky dollar bill
Funky DJ Rhetmatic
Funky fresh
Funky loco, Funky enough to get ecstatic

I come from a funky town
A neighbourhood with soul
Yeah, ma middle name est clunky
I’m da funky proper noun
An ode to the f-junkie
Hear dis milady Spunky
You’ll never get me off your back
Remember, da funky monkey said dat

Colour, me badd

America, a FAIR country
How is that supposed to help me?
Haven't I seen enough white?
To not have to be reminded which colour is right?

Out of my life, inside my head

Haven’t seen her for years
See her everyday
Haven’t had sex for years
Have sex everyday
Haven’t known love for years
Know love everyday
Felt liberated for years
Feel tied down everyday
Been single for years
Not single for a single day
Haven’t thought about her for years
Think about her everyday
Haven’t written a letter for years
Write a letter everyday
Haven’t wanted her for years
Want her everyday
Haven’t fought with her for years
Fight her everyday
Wanted her out of my life everyday
Haven’t been able to for years

Let's do the Kamasutra

It's not just a manual
It's a state of mind
The philosophy of carnal
Let's do the Kamasutra
From top, front and behind

It's the pursuit of pleasure
Of stooping to conquer
The secrets of cunnilingus
Let's do the Kamasutra
Repeatedly moan oh lord, yes! Jesus…

Get on the blowtrain
Feel high, then drained
Waves, spasms and multiple orgasms
Let's do the Kamasutra
The bible that bridges all chasms

For sex that's manic
Get down, mystic and tantric
Twist, writhe and shout
Let's do the Kamasutra
There is no better way in and out

You're so smooth and sweaty
Mmm…you taste positively peachy
Strap up, take the cosmic ride
Let's do the Kamasutra
Lie down, spread wide

Your hourly dose of the exotic
For sex that's delicious and chaotic
Be it with or without clothes
Let's do the Kamasutra
You'll see how everything just flows

On your knees
A little more acrobatic please
Nothing is erotic enough
Let's do the Kamasutra
Go ahead, flaunt your stuff

It's not magic
Nothing cryptic
More an omnipotent mantra
Let's do the Kamasutra
Find life's secret formula

Come and get some
Discover g-spots where there exist none
Learn the tricks of the trade
Just do the Kamasutra
And repeatedly get laid

Porno Graffiti

Shake well before and after use
Mine feels like a blown fuse
Kiss mine, I won’t tell
Suck yours or you’ll go to hell
I’m just a fifty-fifty
This wall’s reserved for porno graffiti

Hey dude, nice hairspray
Ever heard that joke about Jamaica?
This feels smoother than sun-mica
Mister, why is your penis gray?
Go away, little children, honestly
This wall’s reserved for porno graffiti

Hello Ladies
You’re in the men’s loo
If that’s what you think fella
Ever heard of the grand switcheroo?
Quick, scrawl something, tight ass and pert titties
This wall’s reserved for porno graffiti

Your mother made me breakfast
Your wife cooked me supper
Keep peeing bro
My dick’s in your family
Your girl’s fine pussy
This wall’s reserved for porno graffiti

Don’t make me laugh
Somebody get me my glasses
Where’s your weeny?
Good day, Mr. Tiny
Guys, say hi to mini-me
This dude ought to have boobies
Watch it
This space is reserved for porno graffiti

Sympathy for the Devil

Nobody believes me
Nobody wants me
Why won’t he come get me?
He knows I’ve got a short fuse
I used to be so much use
Give me back my headlines
Bring me back to the frontline
Don’t you dare say I’m old news
Come, come, I’ll make it easier to find me
I’ll even give you more clues
I miss you Bush baby
I’ve got the Al-Qaida Blues

No longer a favorite flavor
Sidelined by a noisy neighbor
Relegated to the unwanted
How sad, Osama grunted
Maybe after he gets Saddam
He’ll come back to me
The thing about men
They prefer the home-cooked meal
Till then, I’ll wait
And tolerate
This strange twist of fate
Of no longer being Bush’s pet hate

Is it no use?
Was I just a ruse?
Shit, I feel so used
Fucking abused
Babe, I’ve got the Al-Qaida blues

It’s all about attention
Of how to feel wanted again
I know what?
A revived Osama, exclaimed
I’ll just take down another plane
That should get his mind off
Fucking Saddam Hussain
I can’t take the pain
Of not being blamed
How about I kill a million Jews?
Nah, that’s old news
Sigh, I’ve got the Al-Qaida blues

Even cowboys get the blues

I'm a Hindoo
Taught to believe
That the cow is sacred too

But this
This is pure parody
Killing people for a dead cow
Holding on to the past
Running away from the now
Forcing people en masse
Depriving some of their staple chow

Denizens of India
There's much to worry
Last I checked
Hinduism was a robust philosophy
And India, a secular country

I'm Hindoo
I come from a land
Where a cow is like Lord Vishnoo

But this
This is just crazy
Milking beliefs for votes
People being herded like goats
Humans scavenging like crows
And a starving populace
That repeatedly comes to blows

Denizens of India
There's much to worry
Last I checked
Hinduism was a robust philosophy
And India, a secular country

I'm Hindoo
Our bottom-line is tolerate
But this...this trend of late
Formulated by a bunch of ingrates
Confusing militancy for strength
Spouting an ideology of pure nonsense
Turning everything into a sacred cow
A great religion gone shamefully low-brow

Denizens of India
There's much to worry
Last I checked
Hinduism was a robust philosophy
And India, a secular country

I’m Hindoo
I don’t preach hate
I condemn this
I denounce blind faith
I too think the cow is holy
But equating her to my mother
Now, that’s pure baloney
A dead cow is a dead cow is a dead cow
What the fuck next are you going to disallow?

Denizens of India
There's much to worry
Last I checked
Hinduism was a robust philosophy
And India, not an anti-secular country

Dear Prozac

I was down
You came along
Wiped away my frown
Sang me the happy song

It was a lot of fun
Time to end the high hun
It was good while it lasted
So let’s not get emotionally wasted

You’re my treatment
You’re my Prozac
No foolish sentiment
You’re just a Prozac
Breakdown is imminent
Where’s my Prozac?
My heart is broken
I need a Prozac

Great in bed
You made me forget
You were step one
I say we’re done

You gave me lust
Saved me from going bust
Made me forget trust
But end this, we must

You’re my treatment
You’re my Prozac
No foolish sentiment
You’re just a Prozac
Breakdown is imminent
Where’s my Prozac?
My heart is broken
I need a Prozac

You can be addictive
You won’t keep me happy
Let’s not be vindictive
Let’s make this snappy

I’m not being funny
You need to understand
There is no irony
So save us the headstand

You were treatment
You were my Prozac
No foolish sentiment
You were just a Prozac
Breakdown was imminent
I needed you, Prozac
My heart was broken
It was a time for Prozac
The future beckons
Goodbye, Dear Prozac

Slowwww...

coming soo...

just around the corne...

in a flash...e...

before you know i...t

don't go anywher...

trying to keep u...p

brea...th...less...ly...

it is, obviously, hard to think up, effectively, a
stanza or three, on the mechanics of_expression...in a jiff...y

time to take my fingers off the pedal...

no time to finish this lin...

is this, i wonder fleetingly, a valid interpretation
of some toms, dicks and haris...in a verbalac...hurr_?

puff...pufff...puff...glug...glu...glug...aaa!

quic...

the other side of temptation

temptation is the mother of all creation

temptation is the driver of all evolution

temptation is the opposite of negation

temptation is the birth of a nation

temptation is not for the patient

temptation is the start of God creation

temptation doesn't deserve its bad reputation

temptation, in my book, gets a standing ovation

and for more on temptation

just mine the blogatron induced collective imagination.

Freedom

ffffffffffffffff


eeeeeeeeeeee


rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


dddddddddddddd


mmmmmmmmmm


oooooooooooooo


eeeeeeeeeeeeee

Deja vu

in a world without strangers
why are there no friends?

in a world without boundaries
why are there so many walls?

in a world with so much sex
why is there no love?

in a world without vision
why is there so much to see?

in a world without humanity
why are there so many people?

in a world without strangers
why are there no friends?

in a world without boundaries
why are there so many walls?

in a world with so much sex
why is there no love?

in a world without vision
why is there so much to see?

in a world without humanity
why are there so many people?

come again?

Newrotica

no issues
no pretending
no lies
no one else
no compromise
no foreplay
no nonsense
no games
no give and take
no stooping

no reading between the lines
no waiting in line
no yucky 69s

no pretense
no defense
no offense

no mountains
no oceans
no fish
no snatch
no catch

no commitments
no commandments
no condiments
no fruits
no fuck-me boots

no blowjobs
no handjobs
no regular jobs

no altercations
no complications
no insertions
no dissertations
no intentions
no tensions
no sensations
no emotions
no erections